You're a Towel

I Can't Feel My Lips

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 23:16:24 GMT

Time for another installment of "What I learned last night":

I am the Sake Emperor (because king wasn't good enough)
Sure I can do a Sake bomb without getting wet, but when i try to down my jungle juice it goes all over me
Apparently jungle juice has two shots of Everclear per cup...so that would be why i got so trashed after 3 cups of that...and a sake bomb...and a shot...
It's possible to be embarassed calling a guy by the wrong name even when you're so trashed you can't stand up straight
It's always good to have a video camera...evidence is gathered
I should be nowhere near a phone, telegraph, etc while drunk.
When I get drunk, everyone treats me like a child
The beauty of forgetting is that you forget the important shit while being fully aware of all the random crap you did
South Park is funnier while watched intoxicated (duh)

I'm sure there's more, but that's ok. I'll do a real update later for anyone that actually reads this to get a window into my life (if there is such a person). but for now, hope you enjoyed that bullshit

Is That Journey? I Love Journey!

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 17:51:59 GMT

"I'm taking you to the ice cream shop and finishing you off"

That's taken out of context, but it's fucking hilarious.

Anyways, it's Thanksgiving week. It got me thinking and I realize I am so extremely blessed. I have the BEST friends anyone could ever have. I have my work out buddy/guy who mirrors my life Scott, my lovely wife Jocelyn, my Soul Calibur foe Andrew, my Cully basher Lyndsey, and so many others. In addition, I have never felt better physically as well as about myself in my entire life. I'm still running and lifting, and not only does it help me keep my sanity, but somehow has been improving my quality of life ten-fold. It's been almost three weeks since I cut off communication with Danielle, and it's so hard but it is most likely the best decision I ever made. Thank you to my friends who truly make life worth living.

Sadly, I'm boring and that's all i have for this entry. Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday

You can't go out there, you'll freeze to death...

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 17:25:35 GMT

"I'm feeling warm"
"That's the first sign of hypothermia...warmth"

Haha...cookies on dowels.

Anyways, I'm in a good mood so shut up. I'm officially a pre-business minor, and in a year I will be able to apply for marketing major! Advertising, woot! You know you're all looking forward to what kind of commercials I come up with. Also, it's been a month since I've started my workout program and I feel good. I feel like a lot of things are coming together for me.

Midterms have been rough. I've been keepin my head above water, but it just keeps me busy. I got two this week. Art and Accounting. I'm worried about Art because 1) My teacher is an uberdouche and I want to burn him at the stake...no he's not a witch but he's a bitch and that's close enough, and 2) the study guide contains things i don't have notes on annnnnd there's no way to get those since there's no book and no notes online. See, now you want to burn him at the stake too. Accounting I don't think will be too bad because i've worked my ass off in that class but I'm still going to study like it's going out of style (Jocelyn 34). Yea i just cited a quote from a book never written, whatevah, i do what i want! But if i could get an A in that class I would dance. That would be a huge boost in my business gpa and look really good for eller acceptance.

and they say all guys think about is sex....

speaking of sex....enough on that...

Well time to hit the books *SMACK* Where's my money *SMACK*

In conclusion, haha....cookies on dowels...

I Heart Drunk Saturday's (and you can quote me on that)

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 00:41:46 GMT

Scott + alcohol + video camera = something that could only possibly be thought up by God himself or the guy who did "girls gone wild" and "girls gone wild 2:slightly less wild"

So we got drunk last night and it was awesome. I can't remember exactly how much I had to drink, but it was something like two or three shots of vodka and three margaritas. I was drunk enough to enjoy it and not enough to be stumbling around...so it was perfect. I gotta say that drinking games with lynds, joey, and Scott (i.e. Scottrates after you get some drinks in him) was absolutely amazing (vagina).

It was an amazing time just because it was one of the first times that I really felt close to everyone again. I know that last year I pushed away a lot of my friends (unintentionally) because of all the Dannie bull shit, and it's been kinda hard to get close again. No one's fault but my own, but it was nice to know that I'm getting there. Apparently I made a drunk away message last night (which I don't remember making) about all my friends that I love (I forgot Lynds, but I do love her too). Yay alcohol

Other than that, I've been stressed so hopefully things will simmer down after Tuesday. Have an awesome week kiddies.

Oh Shit He Updated

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 21:33:37 GMT

If ever a group of monkeys tell you to eat something, don't...that's called not giving in to peer pressure.

Anyways, it's been a shit long time since I've updated. So let me try to remember what's been going on...

First off, I'm changing my major. Psychology is not the right place for me. I was originally hoping to go into Media Arts, but I don't think that'll work out so at the moment I'm going for either Marketing or Accounting. Me an accountant? Yea I know, it doesn't seem to fit..but I could try and spruce up the accountant image by wearing funny hats on designated days.

This change in major also made me think about other changes in my life. I've been doing some soul searching (very boring, I assure you), and I realize that although i'm happy, I could be happier. I realize that for a long time I've been settling, just going with the flow and that because of it I'm missing out on a lot. Last week my mom got in a car accident, and thank God she was not hurt. It's truly a miracle. But it got me thinking...I'm so far away from my family who truly mean the world to me. In going up to Phoenix I was also fortuante to be able to visit with Derek and Feller and that was the most fun I've had in such a long time. I got to walk around ASU for the first time, because before I never really considered it as a college i'd go to.

This leads me to the next change Im considering, and I'm sure some of you aren't going to like it (the rest won't care). I'm thinking about transferring over to ASU. There's a lot of reasons for it: to be closer to my family, it's a better college for business (although some will refute that), and I just feel like I need a change. This is far from a certainty, so my tucson homies don't fret. If I do, it won't be until junior year. If I do it'll be hard because I'll be leaving some of my closest friends (especially you my Jocelyn). Those of you who oppose my leaving, I'm sure you'll leave me threatening messages and I do look forward to them.

I'm sure there's more to say but I can't remember. Until next time kiddies

Today, I'm Going to Be a (enter profession here)

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 07:23:23 GMT

I don't care what you say...aqua teen hunger force is the next west wing.

So first off, updates on life...

nothing important really.

So time to rant

OK, so I was at Best Buy last night putting away dvd's and I was hit with an epitome. Why are music artists so freakin special? I'm not talking in the everyone wants to sleep with them thing, that I get (gaining their musical talent through osmosis). But it's their uncanny ability to do whatever they want because they are musicians. For example, become movie stars. now, i'm no expert, but it seems to me being able to sing or rap has very little to nothing to do with acting. Do they just wake up and go, hmm...i think today i want to be an actor. The rest of us can't do this. A lawyer can't wake up one day and go "ya know, today I want to be a doctor." yes, but what qualifies you to be a surgeon? "oh you silly man, i'm a very famous lawyer. I've never lost a case"...oh you're hired sir. Cut away. It just doesn't make sense to me.

hmm..what else...

Only about two more weeks until I move. I can't wait, even if i don't have any furniture yet lol.

well that's about all i got. sorry if it's not much of an update. but admit it, you smiled

in conclusion...DON"T LIE

Why Does a Leprechaun Need a Magical Flute That Makes People Love Crappy Rap Music?

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 22:38:02 GMT

It's been a shit long time since i've updated. So let's see what's new in my life.

First, today's my birthday. Pretty crazy. This is probably one of the best birthday's i've ever had just because of the wonderful friends that I have. Last night I hung out with Scott, Derek, and Andrew it was cool just chillin. A little Soul Calibur, some Taco Bell, and the watching of Leprechaun In Space and Leprechaun in the Hood. I've realized that there is either a shortage of work for midgets or Warwick Davis has absolutely no respect for himself. But it's been so great today with so many of my friends calling me to wish me a happy birthday. Just the fact that so many remembered (whether that be they remembered or they just saw it on Facebook...who knows) and took the time to just call me. To all of you, thank you so much. I feel so extremely special and loved.

One more week of working at the school, thank God. Those kids are driving me crazy. I will dance on my last day, i assure you.

For those of you who read the last entry, the whole anne thing seems to have fallen through, which is fine. She was a wonderful girl, but I probably came on too strong or something and scared her away. But in the grand scheme of thing, who cares? It was excellent practice on asking a girl out and taking a girl out that i didn't know. It was fun and different. The thing is I'm just not ready to be tied down to anyone. If something happens, that's wonderful, but I'm certainly not planning on it. I'm enjoying the single life and I figure I might as well take advantage of that while I can.

I move to Tucson in a few weeks. I'm SOOO excited to get into my apartment. I don't have anything for it yet though, so I definitely need to do a lot of shopping. But it'll be pimping, I assure you. For all of my fellow Tucsonians, we'll party hardy.

Well I should go because:
1) I'm feeling a lil sick and I should lie down
2) I have to go to my dad's soon.

Thank you again to everyone who texted, emailed, called, or used their psychic powers to contact me today. I love you all.

So in conclusion, why on the Cripple Fight episode of South Park are Kyle's parents (who are jewish) sitting in the catholic church as Cartman runs in to scream "cripple fight"?

If I Were A Zombie, I'd Play the Tuba

Sat, 02 Jul 2005 23:39:42 GMT

Time to update this crazy little journal because a lot of people have wanted stories and it's hard to repeat it over and over again.

So 1st off, let's begin with Anne. Anne's this amazing girl who's a hostess at Outback. When I went there on Wednesday with Michelle, Scott, Derek, Fellar, and Joey, I saw her and thought "damn, she's gorgeous." Eventually, I got up the courage to ask for her number. And I got it, despite the fact that I have zero skills with women. So we had our first date Thursday night, and it was so great. We went to dinner at Caraba's, saw Land of the Dead (which was terrible), and talked so much. She's smart, fun, very cute and luckily going to UofA. I really like this girl, and it seems like she likes me too :). I'm trying to remember not to get too excited about it just because I don't want to rush things and ruin it...but at the same time I can't help but feel something between me and her. I'm hoping this relationship will continue to grow, but even if not it has at least shown me that there are MUCH better girls then Danielle out there, and that's definitely something.

This morning I took her to breakfast. Now, let's make this clear that she did opt to go even though I warned her it would be at 8 and I know she's not a morning person, and she still wanted to go. So needless to say when i called her to make sure she was awake, no answer. Then i get a call saying she needs ten minutes...so I give her twenty and go over and she still runs a little late. Again, I had a good time with her, despite the fact she was exhausted. But hey, I warned her. I'm hoping she'll show up to the party tonight, but if not no big deal. Like i've said I don't want to rush things and ruin it...which I think I tend to do. It's so scary putting myself back out there knowing full well my heart will probably get broken again...but it's just one of those things you have to do I guess. For now, I'm just happy that I've met someone who I find attractive and fun to be around and lucky that I get to spend time with her.

In other news, found out a good family friend just died. No one saw it coming either. Just makes you realize how fragile everything is. Within a heartbeat...a heart can stop beating. It's definitely re-inforced my new outlook in that I've been much more direct and taking risks. But it's also made me appreciate even more everything that I have and I hope that it is in God's plan that i get to keep the friends and family I have for a very long time.

It's been a long day, and I still have a lot more to do. I hope everyone is doing well and I'll try and update about everything sooner rather than later.

Popped a Cherry

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 08:18:39 GMT

Just letting everyone know tonight was my first night of having alcohol and getting buzzed!!! I'm sure you're all very proud of me. That's all i can type. G'night everyone

You Missed the Funny

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 19:36:24 GMT

Let's get this out in the open. Batman's emo. All black, broods around and beats up people that wronged him. Give him a guitar and you have the next big band. let's move on...

Batman Begins is a good movie. It has it's flaws, sure, but what movie doesnt? Sure Joker isn't responsible for the deaths of Bruce Wayne, but seeing Qui Gon Jinn fight the American Psycho is a match up we've been waiting for since Alien Vs. Predator. As you could tell, though, I figured out that Batman's emo...and that's funny. But then i was thinking about it...how fucked up would it be if you were walkin around one night, minding your own business and all the sudden, BAM, buy in a mask and black suit flies by you. It's weird to think that we enjoy the super hero movies but if we actually saw that, we'd think they're crazy and throw them in the looney bin so fast their caped crusader heads would spin. Same thing with jesus. If jesus were to come back, would anyone really believe it was him? he could be in a mental hospital right now. what a world we live in.

If you were pie, and you were hungry, would you eat yourself?

Love isn't enough...have an escape plan ready

Scott's a bad loser...this leads to him getting beaten with a pillow
In soul calibur, when scott and i are having an off day, andrew's actually good...but that's the only time

so scott rewrote andrew and my facebook profiles (which you should read). this forced me to write his (you should also read this). They're awesome. In addition, Scott now has to write a book. Be ready for it. I'll have written the introduction. Pay lots of money for it.

Unfortanately, i can't write any more. i have to go to work. Everyone should come visit me and buy expensive things from me so i can get promoted, make lots of money, buy the world, and then have a big underwear party.

In conclusion, I'm back and live journal is finally relieved of my bitching. WOOT

Taylor 2.0

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 08:23:43 GMT

I realized something tonight. I'm happy. Everything may not be going my way...but I'm happy. With myself, with how I've been handling things, and with the way that my life is going. I think life is beautiful and I think things have a funny way of working themselves out. I think the greatest thing is that my worst fears have not come true...I haven't let any of this affect my outlook on life, love, or trust. I think life is wonderful, that there are just bumps in the road. I think true love never dies, but the person you love can change to the point where you no longer recognize them. I may have trusted the wrong person, but it doesn't mean I can't trust anyone. I am still me, and I like that. I like that I hold no hatred for anyone, and no regrets for anything that I did. For the first time in a while, I'm happy. And it has nothing to do with her.

I can't thank my friends enough. All of you. From those who have taken me out whenever I needed to go out, from those who just texted me while i was at work to let me know you were thinking of me. I'm so very blessed to have all of you. Thank you for encouraging me and helping me through all this. Finally, I can get back to the old Live Journal entries about nothing. And maybe every once in a while throw in my input about life ;). but not tonight.

Long Walks Always Stir Conversation

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 06:00:13 GMT

I just got back from a walk with Ash. Without going into it, although our situations are different, the emotions seem to parralell...and i can't help but think that its for a reason. Maybe we lucked out that we're able to go through it together.

I realize some things about myself. Of course I realize that I tend to be attracted to girls that need "saving," which I and many others already knew...but I hope that truly knowing it will help me to try and pick better girls. We'll see how that goes. I realize that I have trust issues, which I knew...but I'm not ready to change and not trust people. I like being a trusting person. I think that I'm a good person and I dont' think that I should change. At the same time that scares me because i'm very easy to take advantage of...and I don't like that. Nice guys finish last i guess. I realize that I put up with a lot of shit for dannie, more-so than I think most anyone would, and I'm not complaining because I loved her and I thought she loved me so it seemed worth it. I just realize that now, she's not worth all that, not after what's happened. And no one is. I gave up SO much of my life for her, and I have essentially nothing to show for it. As much pain as I feel, I feel like if this was supposed to happen, I'm going to learn from it. I don't want to go through this again...again. The scary thing is that my idea of love and how i feel love is that I overlook so much and I give up so much for it that I get screwed..and that if Dannie wanted to she might be able to exploit that again. So i have to get through this now so I don't give her the chance.

I realize that I'm not ready for a relationship, but being the person that I am, I'm not really one for random hookups. It sounds fun and exciting...but it doesnt' feel like me. I'm not saying it won't happen, but I can't say that I'm not looking for a relationship. The truth is, I'm pretty happy with myself and I have a lot of love to give...I'm not the right kind of person to be a "player." I'm not saying that any way is right or wrong...only that it doesn't feel right for me. So I'm not sure what I'm left with...I don't trust people but I want something meaningful. I want to be with someone...but not at the expense of someone else's feelings. I have a lot of shit to work through I guess. But at least i can sleep at night. At least i know who I am and like who I am. For now, I can be happy with that, even if I'm not completely happy.

I'd appreciate any comments any of you may have. I don't need the "oh i'm sorry"s or the "she's a bitch" or any of that. I'm just curious as to what other people think about all this.

Grin and Bear It...and Silently Plot Your Revenge

Sat, 11 Jun 2005 02:23:52 GMT

So a lot has happened. I'm not going to go into detail because I want it to stay in the past and I'm just not interested in letting everyone in their mother know what happened. In a nutshell, I was given the impression that Dannie wanted to work things out, I was strung along and let down. I only have myself to blame. There's a lot going on in my heart and my mind, but one thing is for sure and that's that whatever I had with Danielle, whatever it was, is over. I love her, but I think I may be in love with who she was, not who she's deciding to be today. I've been putting off moving on and that was foolish. I realize that although the love i had for her was strong, I put up with a lot of shit for her that I probably shouldn't have. I don't want to be put through that again. I believe that I deserve better than that and so that's what I will strive for. Thanks again to everyone who has stuck by me through this, keeping me going. I feel like the worst of it may be over.

In other news, I've been working two jobs. My stepmom's Montessori school (right across the street from the JCC...fuck you irony) and Best Buy. The school's fine. It's an experience. Best Buy's alright too. It's important to note..working 11 hours three days in a row...very tiring. But it keeps me busy, gets me out of the house, and will get me money...which i hear chicks dig.

I'm trying to prepare myself for this whole "single" life. It's weird...being completely free of obligation after pretty much being responsible for another human life. So much free time. I'm trying to revamp my plan..just getting out, enjoying life, meeting people. I have no desire for a relationship. Not saying that it won't happen. If the right girl came along, i'd probably go for it being the hopeless romantic that I am. But I have MAJOR trust issues right now. After seeing what Dannie did to me and others, not to mention so many people cheat and lie to their significant others...it just makes me realize that you can never really know someone if they don't want you to. Creepy. I don't like saying that either just because I'm usually the first to see good in people...so I'm very conflicted right now.

Again, thank you to everyone. You've all been supportive and given me confidence in myself.

You Could Protect Me, But You Will Kill Me When You're Through

Sun, 29 May 2005 19:24:07 GMT

The plan isn't going as well as I'd like. Granted, I'm not a recluse crying alone in my room all day, but I definitely don't feel as ok as I know that I should be. I went to Garret's graduation party on friday, and that was a blast. Oh, for those who don't know, on friday i also sold my jeep and got a hyundai sonata. It's pretty. :). Anyways, the party was fun. I got to talk to my friends and some people I didn'tknow as well. Not to mentiont he fact that I talked to Sasha (dun dun dun) and it was pleasant. We actually got into a deep talk about fate and religion and it was really cool. And of course everyone there was saying what everyone has been telling me: that dannie made a mistake, they'll only last a little while, I can do better. I believe all of that. At the same time, it's hard to. I can't deny that I miss her. I think most of it is due to she was the first person I ever loved and that it's hard for me to imagine that I could have a relationship like that or better with anyone else. I'm sure that's true. But I continuously ask myself if she came back, would I take her back. Strangely sometimes its yes. There'd be work to be done before that, but sometimes I feel like yea, i'd take ehr back. Now I know any of you who truly want the best for me will want to smack me for that, and let me tell you I understand. I'd smack you if it were switched. I just don't feel like there's someone out there waiting for me. I'm sure I'm biased...but it's hard for me to imagine because I don't know where I'd meet someone. I've been going to parties and hanging out whenever I get the chance,but still I wonder if I'd ever get an opportunity to really connect with someone. I'm not looking for a relationship right now...it's too soon and to be honest I doubt I trust anyone enough to commit. I realize that this thing has scarred my unconditional trust of people.I just need to discover that it's possible for someone else to love me like she did...or at least I thought she did. I need to know that I have a lot to offer, and I think I do, but I'm just too afraid to believe it. i've noticed that the "group" and I have all gone through cycles when it comes to relationships...that problems that show up once tend to show up again and again. I don't want to go through this again. I understand that i'll go through a good amount of break ups in my life...but still. Jesus I sound like a little bitch right now. Sorry guys, it's just one of those days where I am a little insecure. It goes up and down.

Anyways, today I'm going to Fashion Square to meet with Jocelyn. I miss her. She always knows how to cheer me up. She and I are gonna go pick up chicks, so wish us luck. She'll be fine, but I could use it. Cause I have absolutely no game. This'll be an interesting day to say in the least.

Thanks again to everyone who has been so supportive through out this whole ordeal. It's good to have friends like you guys to keep me strong and remind me what I have. I'd be lost without you.

I Came Back Here To Tell You It Rains In Heaven All Day Long

Wed, 25 May 2005 19:22:59 GMT

God doesn't give you a cross that you can not carry. This is the message I tell myself over and over again. The funny thing is, it doesn't hurt as much as it did. I still feel betrayed and hurt, but I will not let this get to me. I love Danielle, and I did everything I could for her. I will not allow the guilt of this to fall on my shoulders. I don't allow myself to think about her. For anyone who's going through heartbreak or will someday will, my advice is that everytime you allow them to creep into your mind, tell yourself to "stop it." It really works. Eventually, you train yourself to not think about them. And that's where I'm at. I still love her, and a part of love is wanting the best for them. I don't think Jim is the best for her, but it's not my decision so I just wish her the best. If she ever comes back to me, I have no idea what I'd do. Most of my friends and family say that I shouldn't take her back...that that would only train her to treat me like crap because I'd take her back. Makes sense. Who knows though. most likely it won't even come up. but if it does, i'll deal with it then. I want to thank everyone who has been so good to me through this. It's only been a week and already I have regained my self confidence through your support and love. To everyone who has taken me out, given me advice, or even just called to check on me...I can't thank you enough. I am truly blessed.Now, it's just a matter of getting back out there. If one part of your life falls apart, it's important to make sure everything else stays together. I'm going to work two jobs, continue to hang out with my friends, and date. There's a saying that evil can't exist because god exists...that it's only we perceive things as evil and suffering because we don't understand God's reason for it. I like that. And that is what this is. I don't like it, and I don't understand it, but I will accept it because there is a reason for it. I love Dannie with all my heart and most likely I will always love her...but this is her loss.

If You Love Something, Let It Go. Then Die Inside.

Sat, 21 May 2005 06:09:37 GMT

It's happened. The unthinkable. Danielle wants to put off getting back with me until after she pursues things with Jim. She doesn't love me like she used to. I don't think you can fall out of love...but maybe i'm wrong. I don't think she'll ever come back to me. All I feel is this empty, sinking feeling in my chest. I feel alone.

If You Want to Make God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans

Sat, 21 May 2005 02:50:56 GMT

For once, I'm not writing in here to be entertaining. I'm writing to write and if someone reads this, good for them. I wrote an entry on all of what's been going on, but I deleted it, because the details don't matter. I don't want to come off as bitter, or looking for support. This isn't a battle, this isn't a cry for help...it's something that, for whatever reason, needed to happen. I don't know why it needs to, but I've never seen life throw something out there just to fuck with you. For now, I'm writing to have an outlet for these horrible feelings that are brewing inside me. This emptiness, this sinking feeling where my heart should be. I can ignore it, even replace the loneliness with anger...but it always comes back. For the first time in a long time, I feel inadequate. For the first time in a long time I feel like I'm not good enough, and I hate that. I've been able to be strong for so long through so much and somehow maintain a happiness within myself because I liked the person that I was. If I fucked up, oh well, because I could look myself in the mirror and smile. Satisfied with how i look, with decisions that i make, and just how I act. I'm nobody special, I'm not the easiest person to be with, but all in all I felt like a good person. I don't right now. I feel like a little kid, lost and confused, and it's horrible. Everybody has advice, some that makes sense and some that doesn't, but even the advice that makes sense I can't bring myself to do. My dad talked to me for HOURS about all this crap with Dannie and Jim and all that bullshit and said i should just say fuck it and move on. Part of me wants to. Part of me wants to realize that this isn't healthy for me, that someone who I love shouldn't make me feel inadequate...but for now I don't know that I can. This isn't a bitch fest. This isn't a venting session. I just hope that seeing this in writing will help me come to a conclusion. So far, no such luck. The one thing I know is that something has to be done because I do not like lacking confidence in myself. Again, I'm no one special, but I have been through a lot of shit and I like to think of myself as someone who despite what happens, tries and usually can do the "right" thing. Whether that be for me or for someone else or whatever. My dad asked me what it was i was waiting for...and I don't know. A sign I suppose. I'm not talking about a sign like a crop circle or a burning bush with the voice of god...just something that helps reassure me on the right course of action. I love Danielle, more than anything, and I suppose it's cliched to "if you love someone, let them go"...but maybe that's the right thing. I don't know. I don't need advice. I need strength. I'll make it through this, I just don't know how many scars I'll come out with. God help me.

A Love So Secret Only Andrew Knew

Sun, 08 May 2005 19:36:31 GMT

Don't worry, the dishwasher is probably more afraid of you then you are of it. Let's move on...

Today is Mother's Day. So make sure you call your mommy, and if you are a mommy, then i wonder how you stumbled onto this live journal...unless your kevin...you aren't a mommy cause you killed our love child and that makes me sad.

Ya know, everyone's freakin out about finals...and I'm not all too worried about it. I did some STATS (aka statistics) problems and did alright, and i did alright on my ME (aka Middle Eastern) Study Guide. I'm (aka I am) not really worried about any of my other finals. I'm not sure if this is all due to me being super duper (aka super duper) smart and knowing all this shit (aka poopy) or me being well organized and studying (which i hate doing) or i'm just too cocky (aka roostery) to realize i'm fucked (aka made love to) in the ass (aka bum hole). Four finals. One on tues (STATS), one on Wed (ME Humanities), and two on Thurs (Social Issues in America and Mind, Matter, and God). Wish me luck. Wish *shakes fist wildly*

Girls Gone Wild features "real girls." This makes me concur that there are "not-real girls." This leads me to want to produce Bots Gone Wild. You know you'd buy it you sick perverted consumer you.

My first year at college is almost over. That's really weird when I think about it. I really should have kept a real journal this year like my dad suggested. D'oh.

So I'm thinking (again) about a possible change in major. Stupid dad and telling me psychology would be a bad choice for me and me believing him. I think I want to work in film or something, but even as i type that it just sounds stupid. Well, if you think i should or shouldn't either post a comment or talk to me in person and let me know.

I was reminded yesterday how bad of taste in women i have. Kevin had found some of his old journals and was bringing up old infatuations of mine and ben was pointing out that i sucked at life. Awesomeness. but it's true. I realize that. I have HORRIBLE taste in women. With the exception of Danielle, all of the other girls i've gone after have been such disasters. At least most of the girls i've gone for have been attractive. Wow I'm shallow. At least it only goes for girls i want to date and not just people in general. I shoudl really just become a nun and skip dating altogether. Save myself some trouble. And I think i'd look good in a nun outfit. You know I'd look good too.

I'll try to update this sometime this week, but no promises. Anyways, I wish everyone good luck on their finals.

If I were a gnat, I'd get all the other gnats to join me and we'd eat people. Seriously, what would humans do against a swarm of gnats? can't shoot them. you could get a bunch of fly swatters, but by that time, the gnats would have already taken the white house. You've been warned.

In conclusion, my horrible taste in women and my lack of true concern for finals might lead me to become a nun or a revolutionary gnat overlord and either way it'll be interesting.

I Danced, I Laughed, I Made An Ass Out of Myself

Mon, 02 May 2005 20:54:43 GMT

I'm afraid of who's afraid of the big bad wolf. Let's move on...

I got a paper due Thursday, and not to mention finals next week, so this entry is gonna be pretty bland because the humorous part of my brain has to be used to amuse myself, not you.

So this was an exciting weekend. I went to my third prom and my second prom with Danielle and let me tell you this...prom is boring. It was so fuckin crampt in that little bitty place and I think we were only there for like an hour and a half. Ah well. So unless you like your personal bubble to be popped like six thousand times in a matter of hours, prom could easily be replaced by dancing alone in your living room and to simulate the experience just turn off the air conditioning. After prom, we went to my dad's house for a party for my stepmom who got her second masters degree. yea. Second. crazy shit huh? so by the time we got there most everyone was decently drunk and although i'm usually bored by drunk people, drunk 30-40 somethin year old people are hilarious. Holy shit, good times. But here's the best thing about the whole night, and i kid you not, this is true. I went to pick up dannie and her dress didn't fit too well (she had to keep adjusting it all night), and so i was standing with her mom while her dad took pics of her and i said somethin about how it'd be interesting all night how her dress was too big for her. Her mom then looked at me and said "Yea, you just need to stuff her"...

...

Amazingly enough, I didn't burst out laughing and respond with "Yes ma'm."

Alrighty, well I need to start workin on this shit i gotta do. I'll try and update later to divulge other personal, deep secrets about myself to the 6 1/2 people who read this.

In conclusion, prom is boring but its all good because i got permission to stuff dannie.

The Interview Of A Lifetime Replaced With This

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 18:59:27 GMT

Forget everything you've learned...except how to read...then you wouldn't understand anything after "forget everything you've learned" and I could call you an ass hat and you'd have no idea. Let's move on....

So I was bored and asked Ashleigh to interview me as i was told to in her post, and now i have to answer questions. So let's see how I do.

1. What made you pick the UA over other universities? Is the psych department THAT much better than ASU's?
Funny story. God came to me in the form of a burning muskrat and told me that I was destined to go to the UofA or he'd bite off every one of my toes and stick them into my ears...and who am I to argue with a deity in the form of a burning anything? That, and all my friends came here and it's much easier to keep tabs on them if I'm in the same city. As for ASU's psych department, probably not that much better, but again...burning sadistic deity muskrat...I figured it was best to not tempt fate.

2. What is your favorite position to have Jocelyn find us in?
Any position where I'm able to see the shock, disgust, and curiosity in Jocelyn's face when she walks in. Oh yea, we know she wants it.

3. If you had a pet monkey with a prosthetic leg, what would you name him and why?
It depends on which leg is the prosthetic leg. If it were his right leg, I'd name him Dr. Phillip Sherman III because even though he is disabled, he still goes on to live a full happy life giving to the needy and growing banannas in his neighbor's apple fields of death. If it were his left leg, however, I'd be forced to name him Jamaica Newman, aka boot face, because his plots to destroy the world are just out of his sexual tension that has been building ever since Kevin left him. If the leg switched from right to left, I woudlnt' name him but rather let him run into the wild to be king of the apes or possibly eaten by a javelina.

4. What's your best memory of our first year in college?
Tuesday

5. Do you ever wish you watched more West Wing with us?
I'd sell somebody else's soul for the chance!

Well that killed a good amount of time. Bitchin. I have nothing else to report so I'll post next time I feel like entertaining you.

In summary, in the words of Jay you won't spank the monkey, the monkeys will spank you.

Swedish Fish Dick, Genocide, And Other Children's Stories

Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:03:38 GMT

That's right. My rock star name is Swedish Fish Dick and I don't care who you are, that's funny. Let's move on...

Genocide. It's such a nasty word..but put into the right context and it's like God orgasming sweet salvation into your ear. See, the UofA, and i'm sure many other places, are plagued with really, really stupid people. And I for one am sick of bitching about it and propose to you, the six readers of this LJ crapolama, a plan. A plan to end all plans. Now I know what you're thinking: Taylor, I'd love to get rid of stupid people, but I just don't know how. This is why you're reading on (either that or you're really desperate for entertainment or there is something seriously wrong with you and the word DICK caught your attention you sick perverted fuck). After being subjected to the stupidity that is my Middle Easter Humanities discussion group, I, with a helpful dose of help from Jocelyn, have come up with an idea. That's right, Genocide. Music to my ears. Now I'm not talking devastating, tragic losses of innocent people like the holocaust or making cookie monster eat healthy because fat kids parents blame tv rather than them buying crap food for their fat kids to scarf down, oh no. This'll be a form of justice. So here it is:

Phase 1:
Colleges nationwide will require that all students take GenEds before taking any other required classes to graduate. This is a measure to ensure said students' parents don't waste more money on necessary if their child is, to put it nicely, fucking stupid. GenEd's will then become a process to weed out the weak minded (i.e. fucking stupid ass people that we hate). It is in these classes that their performance will decide their fate. If you suck at life, you die, if not, then keep on truckin.

Phase 2:
TA's and teacher's alike will be given at their discretion the ability to take out any student who says something ridiculously stupid (Ex: all Middle Eastern's have camels) or ask something outrageously stupid. This will be accomplished by handing out pistols with the school's mascot printed on the sides to promote higher learning and school spirit while also being a tool of raising the average intelligence (i.e. killing the dumb ones).

Phase 3:
Herd giraffes...because they're everywhere and damned if we'll be overrun by their kind. Noble bastards...

Phase 4:
Rejoice. After the student evaluations have been calculated conducted by the TA's (only the cool ones of course) and teachers, let the genocide begin.

This plan will not only make Gen Ed's more bearable but also lower the population and make americans look much smarter. Yay! You know you love this plan. Oh ya.

In other news, I got an A on my STATS test. Oral sex really does pay off! Woohoo!!!!

Soup kitchen's raped my neighbor and ate my dog....

Yes well i've become bored. Time for Splinter Cell, because damnit, i want to be a spy so i can wear all black and hide in conveniently placed dark corners of enemy locations so as to not give myself away.

In summary, if you suck at life, you have been warned and stats and I are now lovers. G'night.

If I Were A Vegan, I'd Eat Meat, Just to Keep The Other Vegans On Their Toes

Tue, 19 Apr 2005 22:01:35 GMT

I should have been elected Pope but noooo. I swear the whole thing is fuckin rigged. Let's move on...

Once again, I've been getting complaints from the two out of the five people who read this AND actually talk to me that this needs to be updated. So I dedicate this one to you...and to Jessica Alba because she's hot.

So registration is totally flawed. I woke up at 7 in the morning to sign up for classes when like 90%(note: I tend to make up percentages to make myself feel important/discriminated against) of the classes were full. Good thing I'm paying tuition to not attend the classes i need to get to graduate. I say we revamp the whole system. I'd come up with an idea, but because i can't get into any classes to better myself and become intelligenter..er...er. Shut up.

Since I lost the pope-age, think i could run for jesus?

I had to cancel my Xbox Live subscription. I feel so alone...like that Tom Hanks in that movie where he had issues and i never saw it because i was to busy not watching a movie that had one character for 2 hours. Now that I don't have Xbox Live, i'm gonna have to find other things to occupy my time like drug peddling, prostitution, or studying. I'm opting for prostitution.

I need a new screen name. Any ideas? Let me know if you get any ideas cause i'm bored of mine.

Popsicle theif

If seasons don't fear the reaper, what do they fear? Bee's? Because bees aren't that scary. Unless they're mutant bees with laser guns. Creepy.

I'm so not funny today and I so don't care.

My brain has totally shut down. So I'm gonna end this and I'll repost when I think I might be funny. So in conclusion: don't trust whitie.

If someone told me to have sex with father to save my mother's life...I'd have sex with myself

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 01:12:05 GMT

So I'm really fuckin tired because I had three tests today and my brain has pretty much shut down, so ignore any spelling or gramatical errors, anything that doesn't make sense, and anything that would make you want to kill me...in fact...anytime you wanna kill me, ignore it and eat a popsicle instead. Let's move on...

So apparently not only is learning through osmosis impossible, or at least much more difficult then i had originally hoped, but i have found studying to be pretty much useless as well. Why you ask? Mind your own god damn business yankee. Ya alright, i forgive you...this time. Well here's the deal, the test i studied the least for was not only the easiest test ever, but i got every signle one right. The test i studied hardest for i still didn't know more than i would have before studying. And the greatest of all, the test i thought i could bullshit i found i couldn't seem to organize my thoughts and thus not only did my paper jump around, i think i may have called my teacher a bore, a whore, and something else that kept with that rhyme scheme. This leads me to argue that we should join up together and figure out osmosis so we can use it to its full potential. Let's move on...

Coffee grounds don't make good pets...

Tip of the Day: If you can't, don't. Seriously. For example, if you like classical music, that's cool. Classical music makes you smarter, is a type of music which means already its cool...even if nobody rocks out to it nor does anyone try to mimick members of an orchestra...silly goth kids..., and its a really good way to get laid: "hey baby, i like classical music, let's do it" "ok". NOTE: This line probably won't work unless you have lots and lots of money, are really famous, are extremely attractive, or if the person you're trying to have sex with is Beethoven or Bach...which is none of the above for me...ok so i have no game with women...fuck off. But here's the thing, if you like classical music, don't conduct to it unless you know how to. You just look like a jackass. I was a drum major for two years and I don't even conduct to music anymore because I look like a jackass. In private, you can conduct with your penis (or arms if you're a girl) for all i care. In public, just let it go. This also applies to those fans of screamo/metal, which i applaud cause that can be good music, don't try to fuckin scream unless you can. You look like a jackass. You sound like a jackass. Do it in your own room alone. This concludes today's session on If you can't, don't.

Purple also doesn't make good pets...

Goth kids make me laugh.

OK. Brain's shut down. So unfortanately (or fortunately), that's all for today. I'll try to update tomorrow.

In conclusion, if we could learn through osmosis, we could teach people that if they really like a certain kind of music, its best not to ruin it by trying to imitate what they can't do.

Eat bacon.

I am Bullrog, and I have lots and lots of powers...

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 19:07:00 GMT

So people have complained to me that i need to update this. Of course i told them to fuck off and threatened the lives of everyone they know and love...but then i figured i would update this. Let's move on...

I want to be a Ninja. Seriously. You know you want to too. Everytime you're walkin down a street and a guy (or girl for those feminist types/horny men)in a ninja suit, sword, shuriken, and all as if he were the cock (tee hee) of the walk (tee hee), you know that you want to be them...or to at least live through them vicariously by washing their car/them. How many times have you found yourself in a situation where being a ninja would come in handy? For example, when you get attacked by a bunch of black ninjas, probably too many to count, and they attack you one at a time. I'm sure you think to yourself..ya know...if i were a ninja, i could easily handle this situation rather than having to kick everyone of these guys in the balls (tee hee) like a pussy (tee hee). Or how about when you're at the Highland Market, and you want to buy a box of tissues because whatever ails you will eventually kill you unless you blow (tee hee) your nose and the guys all "sorry, you can't use your cat card for this" and you just want to throw a ninja star into his eye (or something else in his eye for you horny guys). That would teach the man!!! If anyone knows a good, quick way to become a ninja in let's say...3 hours before i forget all about this dream and move (tee hee) on to dreaming about somethin else. Let's move on...

Mastadons...

I've discovered the wonderness that is Steak and Potato soup. I know what you're thinkin, it's crazy. Sure, you like potatoes and you like steak, but together...its a forbidden (tee hee) love like Romeos and Juliet's (tee hee) and they died! Nay my friends, it works. It's the Romeo and Juliet of our time, only instead of killing themselves, they have hot wild sex with next to little cuddling in between (tee hee) each session. Try it. And if you're dissapointed...NINJA STAR!!! Let's move on...

Stupid nose...

Well I have (tee hee) three tests to study for for tomorrow, so i should probably go instead of entertaining you...you who has yet to help me study for my test, give me orgasmic soup, or helped me find a ninja school.

In summary, you are a lazy bum who won't even lift a finger to help me after all the entertainment i've given you and i hate you.

That's right, I went there.

The Dancing Lizards and Other Useless Tails

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 08:55:11 GMT

I want to have a little talk with you. Yes, you. Don't go for the door, i've already had it locked shut from the outside with guards armed with boomerangs. Might not be as effective as guns, but much more economical. I want to talk about gangs. Seems to me people don't know how to run an efficient gang. There are two kinds of gangs...the kind that do dance (mostly tap and jazz) offs and the kind that bust caps in each others asses...both of which are inefficient. The key to having a successful game is to POSE as a dance gang, but then when your rival gang is trying to prepare their performance, you stab them in the back with your switchblades. How do you pull this off you ask? What do you mean you didn't ask me that and that you wanna leave because you find me wearing a bikini uncomfortable? Fuck you. You've started reading this and now you must finish. Brouhaha. Anyways, to accomplish said goal (the one about the gang for those with reading ADD), you must give yourself a silly, seemingly harmless sounding name preferable that of an animal like the Dancing Lizards (or Geckos for you Hawaiins). This name will give the illusion that you are a gang who means business when it comes to choreography, and while they try to get their act together, you move in. Brillaint, no? (The answer is yes nay sayers). And the best part is North Scottsdale is all but void of any gangs anyways. So whatever gangs one would encounter, they could easily be eradicted by a little thing called a nuclear weapon...i mean dance off...i mean tell their mommies...eh there's lots of solutions. Then, when all the smaller gangs are taken out, your gang can graduate to a mafia. Once again, no mobs in north scottsdale. You could control everything in scottsdale from the girl scouts to the boy scouts and beyond. Actually, the more i think about this plan i've decided i'm going to actually do it and if you want to join my gang, just post a comment with your resume. Let's move on...

I've been told that my entries are "random," "silly," "slighty erotic," and "rather dispersed." Most of these comments came from the voices in my head, but the ones that didn't i shall adress. Eh fuck i can't remember who said what. I do remember that Kevin (Rectifier315...the guy with the shaggy hair, social security number =000100007) told me that just when he began to enjoy a certain part, BAM, i was onto something else. Now i did spank him unmercifully with a crowbar, but I feel that this is something to adress. Let's move on...

Ha, kidding. No really, I have writers ADD where i don't care what i'm saying so much that i have no idea what i'm saying (hence i can't care about it hey look at the waffles). However, i will try to elaborate on the parts that i think may be funny. Now let's move on for real...

I've decided I'm going to write a horror screenplay. No, this is not a joke but i'm actually serious. I have to include at least on factual thing in my "livejournal" and this is it. I love horror movies and i'm going to write one. Just you wait. More on that later. Let's move on...

AHHH A MONSTER!!!

see, scary. you were scared. i'm so good at this...

Notable mention: bad way to pick up a girl = following them in one car as your buddies follow in another as you speed down the freeway while they try to escape
Good way to pick up a girl = i have no fuckin idea. Why else would i have to fall back on the bad plan if i knew a way that i could actually be successful. Any advice would be appreciated and possibly cremated. Let's move on...

AHHH THE MONSTER ATE MY HAND!!! WOOO AHHH!!!!!

you should have seen your face. and you spilled your popcorn.

No refills...

To summarize (for those of you with reading ADD and skipped to the end for the dramatic, climactic conclusion/cliff notes version of the brilliance that is jimmy gnoe), I'm going to write a horror movie after i start my gang that'll rule north scottsdale and then as a famous screenwriter/gang banger (snicker) i will be able to get chicks without makin an ass out of myself.